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This guide covers a lot of the categories couples face when living together.

EGALITARIAN RELATIONSHIP means the two of you are the ‘architects’ of the household.

You make all major decisions together.

See this as an EXPERIMENT, which can be changed if it doesn’t work as well as you would like.
It is my contention that the GOOD WILL established in the beginning of most relationships can get eroded in part by ASSUMPTIONS one or both parties make along the way, based on past experiences and lack of awareness, which can lead to anger, grief, distrust. By teaching couples to be explicit, clear and direct, their agreements can be understood, decreasing the possibilities of making wrong assumptions.

  • FINANCES:  Who pays for housing, who pays for other things. Are both names on housing contract or mortgage?

  • HEALTHCARE: Are you on separate policies? Does this cause problems? Does one have better insurance then the other? Any disabilities?

  • HOME: Do each have a private room or space to retreat to when desired? Are guests of one welcomed by other?  Do both parties have to take care of all guests? Are uninvited guests welcome?

  • HOUSE-MATES: What role do they play? Are they part of decisions? Which ones yes and which ones no.

  • ANY HOUSE REQUESTS OR RULES? No shoes, no smoking, etc

  • JOBS: Does one travel more than the other? Does this cause problems?

  • FOOD: Different diets? Likes? Who shops? Who cooks? Eat separately?

  • DRUGS & ALCOHOL: Are you in agreement about usage? Do you have times when you are both in different worlds and is this ok?

  • TECHNOLOGY: Any rules around when TV is on or off? Music, etC

  • VEHICLES: Who uses them, when, etc…and who pays for them?

  • PETS: Who cares for them and pays for them?

  • HOUSE & GARDEN CHORES: Who does what? Any difficulties?

  • RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY: Are you on the same page with this one? Are differences ok?

  • POLITICAL ORIENTATION:  Are differences ok with both of you?

  • SENSUALITY & SEXUALITY: Any issues here?

  • CORE BELIEFS about life and death and other things. Are your beliefs rigid   or flexible?


  • VACATIONS, together and separately: Any issues?

  • HOLIDAYS & BIRTHDAYS: Celebrate? Give gifts?

  • NON-NEGOTIABLES: Such as no more kids, or pets…for example. Don’t want partner to do drugs. Insist that TV is on all night. No housemates. Etc.

  • BUSINESS MEETINGS regularly, like once a month, to discuss household issues and realize you are running a SMALL BUSINESS. Left brain planning and organizing and implementing is required: not just love and caring!

Everything is an experiment.
What you decide to do today can be changed.

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